March 15th, 2006 (by Lacey)

Best things come to those...who drive to Burbank...

This week's Burger Tour separated the burger "Men" from the burger "Boys".  A forty-five minute odyssey, over four different highways, in rush hour traffic, brought nine intrepid burger tourists to scenic Burbank and world renowned Mo's (making people happy since 1995).  Blinded by the neon glare of the monstrous Bob's Big Boy sign across the street, Burger Tourists, at first, overlooked Mo's modest, unilluminated sign.  They also had trouble finding the entrance.  Go figure.

Once inside, our frazzled nerves were calmed by warm lighting, beamed ceilings, and lots of booze.  We sat at our RESERVED table and tackled the daunting task of choosing from the mind-boggling list of gourmet burgers.  Would it be Frank's Fantasy Burger (sour cream, caviar), the Red Eye Gobbler (turkey burger, cranberry sauce), Foggy Bottom (peanut butter, sour plum jam), or the Menage-A-Trois (get your minds out of the gutter-it IS a burger)?  The most adventurous of us (or should I say the drunkest?) took the leap of faith and ordered some seriously exotic burgers.  I had a cheeseburger.

Our hearts began to pound as we heard the magic words: "Your burgers are ready. Follow me to the Burger Bar."  There we beheld a vast  and thrilling array of salads and condiments.  With the exception of one burger tourist, who felt the Burger Bar "cheapened his burger experience", (no names...let's just call him Mittens), Mo's received high baggage scores across the board.  Entertainment was provided by Chris's "electrifying" shirt and our "porn star" waitress, who regaled us with tales of various and unusual condiments (think cheese whiz) "apparently" used in "sex acts" in the 70's.

Some burger tourists complained that the burgers were too pricey-but $9.95 included all-you-could-eat potato salad, bean salad, coleslaw, and free soda re-fills.  Of course most of us are alcoholics so "free soda re-fills" means less than nothing.

So the question is:  Are you a "burger aficionado" or a "burger weenie"?(is that an oxymoron?)  What sacrifices are you willing to make for a world-class gourmet burger?  Not even pneumonia could prevent me from making the trek to Mo's.  Where else could you find a peanut butter and jelly burger?


"PB and J meets burger...mmm-Foggy Bottom! We have a winner!!"

"Anything above zero caviar is too much."

"Raw burgers reduce global warming.  From now on I want to be known 
as  the 'Environmental Burger Tourist."

"Hard to imagine better baggage, perhaps Louis Vuitton, but no...this 
is better."

"Good twist on a classic design. I love peanut butter and jelly....I 
love meat."

"Grow a spine Mo."

"Menage a Trois burger? Too bad Monica isn't here."

" Smile. Say sex...or cheese....Sex-cheese!!!!!"

  Average Standard Dev
Meat 8.1 0.8
Juice 8.4 1.9
Bunnage 7.2 1.1
Baggage 9.1 1.8
Kenny Factor 8.8 1.2
Mulletude 7.7 0.9