January 11th - The Apple Pan  (by Lincoln)

Walking into The Apple Pan is like walking back 50 years in time.  Scottish tarpan walls cover a sauna-like theme of wood paneled half-walls.  The Christmas wreath still up didn't seem at all out of place.  The entire place probably seats 20, in one U-shaped counter that surrounds the center grill.  It gives everyone a good view of well practiced routine that goes into each burger.  To get a seat, there is no line - instead one has to hover over people eating in front of them, helping them to make quick work of their meal.  The swivel seats are way too closely packed together.  Matt and I had to coordinate our legs like interlocking gears to maneuver into place.  Make sure you are served by Gordon - who seemed to work the right half of the restaurant.  His commitment to efficiency is absolute:

"...Talk to me"

"Steakburger."

"Cheese?"

"Yup."

"Fries?"

"Yup."

"Coke?"

"Coffee."

Wow - in four short words I had just ordered dinner.  First were the fries - extra crispy, to the point I used one like a knife to start the ketchup.  Next was the coffee served with a paper side cup of heavy cream, and five sugar packets.  Awesome.  Finally came the burger, complete with a proprietary sauce that can best be described as apple relish.  Make sure the order the apple pie a la mode, which is baked fresh every day - despite the "no-one orders the apple pie" mantra from the servers.

Simple, efficient, filling - the way a burger joint should be.

Comments:

"Good lettuce, apple pie awesome"

"Counter seating results in low mulletude"

"Great burger, not the cleanest, great apple pie"

"Yeeeaaahhh"

Ratings:

Meat (s=1.3)
Juice (s=1.7)
Bunnage (s=1.1)
Kenny Factor (s=1.8)
Mulletude (s=2.4)